Collector Loses Home Over Earthbound

Collector Loses Home Over Earthbound
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Springfield, MA.  –  Dave Reynolds was an ordinary man, with an ordinary home.  He was a modest game collector with a bright future.  All of that changed, however, when he discovered the video game Earthbound for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System.  “All of my friends were playing it,” he told TheKohlrabi.  “I knew I had to have it, if only to be like them.  And then I saw the price tag.”

Reynolds is just one of the victims of skyrocketing classic video game prices, fueled by a nationwide obsession of all things retro.  We caught up with Reynolds as he was halfway through his Earthbound journey, running his SNES from a car battery, under a bridge, near a local river.  “Here’s the part where I finally meet Mr. Saturn,” he shouted triumphantly.  “I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”

Reynolds eventually lost his house and family, unable to keep up with his bills after financing a copy of the popular RPG, which has reportedly been selling for over ten times its initial retail value.  “I don’t regret what I’ve done,” he told us.  “Sure, I miss my wife and children, but I have a new family, now.  My Earthbound family.”  Reynolds went on to tell us that he’s just discovered a sequel to the game, Mother 3, is only available in Japan.  “I’ll probably have to sell a kidney for that one, but that’s OK with me.  You only need one of those things to play video games!”

At press time, Reynolds was last seen stumbling out of a dark alley, clutching his side in what seemed to be agony.  In his hand, witnesses reported seeing a copy of Mother 3, and a Japanese-to-English dictionary.