Stockholm, Sweden- Speculation erupted just before the weekend that Surge would be soon gracing our refrigerator door. The Internet did a collective frowny face when the announcement of Surge never surfaced Friday afternoon. Life quietly resumed as the weekend set in. Then promptly Monday morning the big announcement came, Surge would truly be back, but only available at Amazon. Surprisingly on the same day, Microsoft purchased Minecraft’s studio Mojang for 2.5 billion or two and a half Instagrams.
Markus Persson wrote a blog detailing why he wanted to destroy the hopes and dreams of millions around the globe by selling Minecraft to Microsoft. He started his blog with how relieved he was to no longer subject to anonymous twitter snark and opinion. Above all, littered throughout his blog he stressed the importance of the money, and Surge.
He told his loyal blog readers that Surge was the nectar of the gaming gods. Everything produced since the shuttering of the soda has been nothing but pure backwash. That being said, next best beverage has always been Mountain Dew, it’s a Dewtastic Drink.
Persson continued on his blog that he would go insane if any of his future projects become successful. “There would be no worse personal hell” penned Persson. To combat any hint of success, he is choosing to only work on games hedged to fail such as “Dishwasher: The Sudsy Dream” and “ATM: Out of Money” He’s always wanted to work on terrible niche games.
The Kohlrabi reached out to Microsoft about the brokered deal. A Microsoft representative said they were prepared to offer more money, but had to stop after Mr. Persson’s eyes bulged out of his skull. Markus Persson was rushed immediately to the hospital. After Mr. Persson regained consciousness, confirmed the Surge addendum, quickly signed the paperwork.