Ash Springs, NV – Citing that there is “absolutely nothing to do” in the small unincorporated community, 52-year old Billie Jo Harley bought her 5-year old son a used Nintendo Entertainment System she found on Craigslist.
For $250, she bought the iconic video game console from a private seller in nearby Alamo. Her purchase came with one controller, RF and AC adapters and a battered copy of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.
However, after only a week, Harley discovered that the almost 30 year old game featured full-frontal nudity without a disclaimer of any kind. Her chief complaint: jiggle physics.
“I had no idea…,” seethed an irate Harley, “what company would allow this trash?!”
The above scene, which features penultimate opponent Super Macho Man performing a pre-match taunt, is what prompted Harley to pen the following letter to her local Congressman:
The pointed letter went viral on the heels of the Rust controversy and recently announced Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 DLC, where jiggle physics and female objectification were the subjects of much online scrutiny.
Calls and emails to Congressman Croissant Hurdy’s office were not immediately returned.
Though both of these cases involved much more recent games, the small community still hasn’t sold through their last drop shipment of Sony Playstation 2’s and weren’t even aware of next-gen consoles aka current generation consoles.
“We pride ourselves on being a small community that focuses on family values,” states local store owner Miles Bowcannon. “I say, leave those big city shenanigans out of Ash Springs.”
After trading in the offending game at the nearest GameStop, Harley walked out with a promising looking title that featured a whimsical sun and three smiling ladies on the cover. The name: Bubble Bath Babes. “We were just going to throw it out,” stated Joe, an employee at the conglomerate-game-store-franchise establishment.
Recently coming under fire for apparently throwing away unsold software and accessories, Gamestop seems to have adopted a more eco-friendly approach to handling potentially hazardous materials.
As of this date, there’s no word on whether or not Harley is satisfied with her trade, and we at TheKohlrabi will update this story as it develops.