Nintendo Profits 9 Million This Quarter, Future Still Dubious

Nintendo Profits 9 Million This Quarter, Future Still Dubious
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It’s been splashed across all the news channels; Nintendo Is Red No More: $350 Million Profit On Back Of Wii U Sales, Nintendo Ekes Out $9M Profit As Wii U Sales Cross 10M To Date, and Nintendo turns its first annual profit since 2011, Why Nintendo is Suddenly Profitable Again. Nintendo is on the rise. That’s what Nintendo corporate also believed until Nintendo of America dropped a massive debt bombshell after their quarterly financial report. Nintendo of America has been Enron-ing their books and finally came clean about their debt.

The Kohlrabi’s source from Nintendo of America said, “We were told several times that we wouldn’t be able to catch lightning twice like we did with the Wii. We already knew that lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice, that’s why we devised our Amiibo plan.”

lightning strikes twice

Unfortunately, NOA’s plan was the source cause of their massive debt. To control the market in the US, and abiding by all capitalistic rules, Nintendo manufactured and sold the same amount of Amiibo for each released Amiibo character. However, to create artificial rarity, Nintendo of America paid and gave specific purchase instructions to secret shoppers. Nintendo paid the shoppers for their time and the Amiibo cost. Next, Nintendo would grind, separate, melt, and eventually recycle the purchased Amiibo to create more Amiibo.

“Any rare Amiibo that found their way onto eBay or Craigslist are either from real customers who somehow were able to purchase the Amiibo on the day they released, or one of our partner shoppers wanted to make extra money on the side. We did calculate approximately 25% of stock would be lost to scalping,” said the Nintendo of America representative.

Nintendo tried this artificial shortage once before with the Wii. When the Wii launched, Nintendo of America test piloted the purchase-recycle program. It was a massive success according to the NOA representative. She explained that they were able to keep the Wii a consumer hit for several years due to the demand created by the rarity news-stories.

“This time we thought it would work like it did with the Wii.” Nintendo of America representative.

Nintendo excel failed meh

Unlike last time, there are several Amiibo figures. That caused problems with their formula in Excel and subsequently caused their entire worksheet to crash when opened. NOA decided to go forward with a copycat program without their Excel formulas. This leap of faith without Excel cost them millions.

Just a few days after their positive news of profit, Nintendo corporate is now tasked with absorbing this massive new debt. Some have heard rumors of Nintendo converting itself into a toy manufacturer, or possibly only selling software. Time will tell as we wait for more information out of Kyoto.