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  • Link’s Girlfriend; You’ll be Suprised to Learn it’s not Zelda

    Even though Link and Zelda never had a relationship in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, it is implied that Zelda is the “damsel in distress” saved by her “knight in shining armor,” Link. They don’t kiss, they don’t...


  • Mario Is Unemployable

    Redwood City, CA– It turns out Nintendo has been trying to find Mario steady work for quite some time. Nintendo has attempted to train the plucky man in just about every career imaginable, and yet he continues to be pink...


  • Super Mario Maker the Interdimensional Transporter

    Odd reports have been trickling into The Kohlrabi, and the stories are similar, yet the experience each person describes has varied. They all originate while playing Nintendo’s Mario Maker and this had our reporters wondering if the use of LSD...


  • XCOM 2: Is this What You Wanted Mother F-ers!?

    Recently Firaxis released XCOM 2, the latest installment in the unforgiving XCOM series. If you are unaware, XCOM are the strategy games in which you must command soldiers to protect Earth from an alien invasion.  The difficulty comes from the...


  • Pacman and the War on Drugs

    The world’s first video game mascot, Pac-man. He swept the nation with his cute and straightforward design, and fun gameplay to match. Every kid in America knew the yellow eating machine, and soon he sprung up on t-shirts and lunch...


  • Beware of the Freddy Krueger Sims Program

    Reports started rolling in across America where small children and pets have been terrorized, some to their early demise. Local investigator units released data showing one commonality among those affected. All those affected have played the game The Sims. Authorities...