Wolf Point, MT- Red Falcon has stepped up to the plate to assist Shigeharu Umezaki and Shinji Kitamoto save the Contra series from the evil death grip of Konami Corporation.
Red Falcon had created an alliance with Shigeharu Umezaki and Shinji Kitamoto to save Bill Rizer, Lance Bean, and subsequently the entire Contra video game series.
Red Falcon, Shigeharu, and Shinji started their glorious battle that would have made Klingons jelly. Red Falcon coordinated infantry units on the first floor that would funnel into the main cubical farm area of the Konami headquarters. Once the heroic team dug themselves in Konami’s cube farm, the first big battle began.
The Konami accounting and HR teams quickly assaulted Red Falcon and their human companions with staple guns and paperclip throwing stars. If it weren’t for some quick maneuvering from Shinji by throwing a flash grenade into the copy room, they would have never survived the onslaught.
Onto the next floor, our heroes had to navigate past the mystical Konami breakroom. Shigeharu, Shinji, and the Red Falcon participants proceeded with ease past the jello launching team and the brown bag assassins. All of a sudden, Shinji was tripped up by an internet cord booby trap and was hit by a stray bullet. Without skipping a beat, Shigeharu quickly yelled “up up down down left right left right B A Start!” and Shinji was fine.
Red Falcon, Shigeharu, and Shinji knew their last stop was the executive floor. The heart of the Konami operation. Once the elevator door opened, the carnage inflicted upon Red Falcon was immense. The executive team was as juiced up as Wesker after a sudden T-Virus booster shot. It didn’t matter how hard our heroic team would fight; the Contra series would always be just outside of arms reach. Red Falcon, realizing their mission was futile, ejected Shigeharu and Shinji out of the Konami headquarters. While in the process of save-ejecting Shigeharu and Shinji, Red Falcon heroically destroyed themselves.
“Even with the help from Red Falcon we were just unable to fight out way past the executive board.” said Shigeharu Umezaki with great regret and sorrow.
A press conference was held outside the Konami headquarters the next day with the remaining alive executive staff. Several prominent gamer journalists would lob simple questions at the executive team. It came as a surprise when someone asked the executive team what Konami had planned for the Contra series and video games in general. Suddenly, the Konami executive staff was visually appalled by the question. They would quietly exit the press conference while flipping everyone off in the process.