The Ski Free Yeti Tells His Side of the Story

The Ski Free Yeti Tells His Side of the Story
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Fargo, ND- Rocky Miche, the Yeti from Ski Free, sat down with The Kohlrabi. He explained that he’s tired of being the bad guy, and was ready to tell his story.

“The ski resort wasn’t a part of the original treaty of Dakota-Mirka 1889, but we still allowed it,” – Rocky Miche, Ski Free Yeti. He continued, “OK, our people, we were mounting debt, and we needed money.”

The Kohlrabi dug deep into Mr. Miche’s story and confirmed what he had said. The Dakota-Mirka treaty established on November 2, 1889, explicitly stated that the Mirka land would never be trespassed. However in the 1970s the tribe hit hard times and required fiduciary assistance. It was during this rough patch that the Mirka Council decided to amend the treaty. The amendment was quickly passed by the North Dakota state Congress. It was in this amendment that allowed the building of a ski resort on Mirka land. The amendment was completely standard except for one final clause. This clause reads ‘All individuals found outside the boundaries of the proposed ski resort are considered to be in breach of the original 1889 treaty. The Mirka people are authorized to use any force they deemed necessary to resolve the matter.’

“One day a skier went past the resort property line and ran into a dog. The dog, scared, peed himself on our sacred land. I went to approach this skier. He skied away. I only wanted to inform him of his presence on our holy land. I was trying to steer him back to the resort; then he just went faster. What a douche!” said Rocky. He continued, “I don’t know if this guy informed his friends about the free range skiing past the resort, but all of a sudden there were a bunch of skiers going outside the resort parameters.”

Ski Free Kohlrabi YetiRocky explained that he and a few others from his tribe went locally, house to house, to inform people why their land outside the resort is holy. They wanted to teach others more about the Mirka religion. He and the other yeti soon found that the locals and the operators of the ski resort had little interest in their grass roots effort. The Ski Free yeti focused on preventing resort patrons from crossing into the holy land.

“I was digging our new fence when I spotted some guy that would cross past the resort boundaries. I was moving toward him with information about our holy land and he immediately ran away. I chased him, I was distracted for a split second, and I stumbled. While stumbling in mid-fall, I gasped for air. And accidentally ingested the man. I went to seek medical help. I started hallucinating. I saw our prophets. Visions from the Gods.”

Rocky explained that the Mirka people from Ski Free wanted to have personal visions from their Gods. The tribe members lined up on the borders of the resort waiting for violators. Eventually, the locals, fearful that they would make a fatal mistake while out on the slopes, would no longer visit the resort.

Once the Mirka tribe noticed the significant drop in attendance, they hired Chris Pirih to attract outsiders to the resort. According to the Kohlrabi’s research, the Yeti people from Ski Free gave Chris Pirih a large sum of money to create an inviting simulation game for the resort. The ending of the simulation was a collaboration of the yeti people and Chris Pirih.

“We wanted to have the game [Ski Free] to serve as both as a real simulation, yet playful,” said Rocky Miche. He continued, “Lately, we only attract daredevils and adrenaline junkies. Although, every once-and-a-while we’ll get a brave local teen to traverse the slopes. They always make for the best vision quests!”