Articles Posted in the " Nintendo " Category

  • Mighty No. 9 is Released!?

    After precisely one thousand years, Keiji Inafune’s Mighty No. 9 has finally been released! It only took $4 million, a thousand years or so, and the tears of millions of Megaman fans around the world… but we finally have the completed...


  • The Juice: Mario Mario Showed Up on a Ford Focus

    [Rochelle was exiting The Kohlrabi offices. Rochelle is seen fumbling with the myriad of office keys in a sad attempt to close up the office after a socially acceptable day’s work. She makes her way to the parking lot, her head...


  • Link’s Girlfriend; You’ll be Suprised to Learn it’s not Zelda

    Even though Link and Zelda never had a relationship in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, it is implied that Zelda is the “damsel in distress” saved by her “knight in shining armor,” Link. They don’t kiss, they don’t...


  • Mario Is Unemployable

    Redwood City, CA– It turns out Nintendo has been trying to find Mario steady work for quite some time. Nintendo has attempted to train the plucky man in just about every career imaginable, and yet he continues to be pink...


  • Super Mario Maker the Interdimensional Transporter

    Odd reports have been trickling into The Kohlrabi, and the stories are similar, yet the experience each person describes has varied. They all originate while playing Nintendo’s Mario Maker and this had our reporters wondering if the use of LSD...


  • Nintendo’s Kirby is an Insomniac

    “When you have insomnia, you’re never really asleep…. and you’re never really awake.” – Tyler Durden, Kirby’s Epic Fight Club The world record for a one human being lasting without sleep is 264 hours or 11 days. The average human...