Xbox Files for Divorce From Kinect

Xbox Files for Divorce From Kinect
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Redmond WA- It finally happened. The Xbox and Kinect have filed for divorce. Many pundits knew that the relationship wouldn’t last from the very beginning. As it turns out, they were right, Xbox and Kinect will soon be split up into two.

Back in 2009 when Project Natal was announced, the world was open to the possibility of controller-less gaming. Society’s mind was collectively blown in 2006 with the release of the Nintendo Wii. Although by 2009, everyone was tired of playing Wii bowling and replacing their TV. Replacing your TV was a necessity after a drunken friend had flung the Wii-mote into the flat screen. Microsoft offered the ultimate solution, controller-less gaming. Microsoft was taking signals from movies like Minority Report and Gamer as indications where to take the video game industry. Microsoft knew the majority of gamers truly would want controller less and motion gaming That’s when Microsoft introduced the Kinect to the Xbox.kinect gamer

Rather than being a match made in heaven, the match turned into a shotgun marriage. Everything between Kinect and Xbox was seemingly fine at launch, but that most likely is attributed to the honeymoon phase. Since then, analysts were attempting to publish reports of the rocky marriage. Polygon would be the first to report on the strange coupling.

“We were forced to wear white garbage bags and watched Cirque du Soleil. Overall, it was pretty entertaining, if not confusing.” Said Justin McElroy of Polygon to TheKohlrabi recalling the launch event.

While the general gaming public enjoyed the Kinect Xbox relationship, but cracks were starting to appear. The first internal struggle came with the release of Kinect Fun Labs. Kinect felt as if it was being ignored due to and given the kiddie treatment with Kinectimals.

“Let’s be honest, nobody wanted to play with the virtual pussy.” -Milo

Kinect requested special software to provide gamers the enjoyment they deserved. Xbox refused at first, but eventually gave in by developing Kinect Fun Labs. However, reports show due to this agreement, the requirement for Kinect in Child of Eden was removed. In the end, the Kinect lost big on the agreement. From there, the relationship between Xbox and Kinect would only deteriorate. By the end of 2011, it was quite clear that the Xbox and Kinect were not happy with each other.

At the start of 2012, Microsoft had to step in and patch things up between the two. Microsoft had struck a deal with the Star Wars franchise. They needed the launch the highly anticipated Kinect Star Wars Bundle to be smooth. To Microsoft’s dismay The Kinect Star Wars Bundle was not loved by the public.

Xbox and Kinect would receive plastic surgery and according to Microsoft the two would be inseparable after the procedure. This resulted in the Xbox One. However public perception has shifted regarding the couple. Motion controlling gaming fizzled out faster than 3D gaming, and now everyone wants VR gaming. The duo wouldn’t ever feel the same after rumors of the Kinect cheating on Xbox with the NSA. These rumors were never confirmed, nor denied, but the damage was already done. Xbox would never trust Kinect the same again.

Fast forward to May 2014 where Xbox had officially filed for divorce from the Kinect. Microsoft has completely reversed course a, 180 if you will, and is happy to announce the divorce is all but completed. While the two are still on good terms, they are most likely only to come together for holidays or special occasions.